fragile`
Saturday, 24 February 2007
15:26:22 PM

Additional rambling: here


\empty

Sunday, 02 February 2007
23:56:23 PM

i've tried to protect you in every way but i forgot..
i forgot to protect myself from you.


\empty

Sunday, 21 January 2007
22:23:42 PM

so fugly, so sick. :)

AHA. i know you peeps will laugh along with me.

thank God i'm me.


\empty

Thursday, 18 January 2007
22:05:12 PM

i need a place.. somewhere to keep my sanity and i figured this is the place.
i believe you guys will be hearing more of me here, well i hope i won't boring you guys out.

keep me alive, keep me breathing, keep me going.
i'm dying faster than you think.


\empty

Tuesday, 16 January 2007
02:05:12 AM

if you had paid enough attention, you would see that my effort meant so much more than my flaws itself.


\empty

Sunday, 14 January 2007
00:46:44 AM

so.. we've wrapped up '2006' and moved to '2007'.
even blogger is outta beta version.

have i or have not exactly wrapped it all up?
i don't know.

2006 was a really beautiful year but some doings.. some things still make me ponder why..

till today, i still don't have an answer.

do excuse me for being so.. so random over here. i'm just so scattered, so distracted these days. i can't seem to structure my thoughts anymore.

some days i hate everything, i hate everything.
everyone and everything.
please don't tell me everything is wonderful now.

i don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now.

i'm tired.

i don't know and i don't wanna know.

i'm fragile, so fucking fragile.. just this fragile.
i don't want be in one of those games. i don't wanna be played in your games. i don't need games.

i just need me, i just need you.

no. no. no.
i don't need anymore lies.

no. no. no.


\empty

Tuesday, 7 November 2006
00:22:24 AM

are novembers just not my month?

i just wanna be happy.


\empty

Saturday, 4 November 2006
11:59:59 AM

since you've gone, well it
seems like everything is wrong
and deep inside, i know that i've
lost much more than pride
well happiness is getting further away
girl i miss more than words can say
i need a miracle now
so tell me

how can i change the world
cos i sure can't change your mind
where's the miracle i need now
got to get to you somehow
cos i can't change the world
i can't change the world
no i can't change the world

losing you, well it's been the hardest
thing to do
so i close my eyes and tell myself
that somehow i'll survive
well you gave me heaven then you
took it away
girl i miss you more with each
passing day
i need a miracle now
so tell me...

how can i change the world
'cos i sure can't change your mind
where's the miracle i need now
got to get to you somehow

and it's so sad that you have to leave
just so you can find yourself
and it's so sad that you just can't see
i love you more than life itself

no i can't change the world

how can i change the world
'cos i sure can't change your mind
where's the miracle i need now
got to get to you somehow
'cos i can't change the world
got to get to you somehow
no i can't change the worid
i can't change the world
no i can't change the world

how can i change the world?


\empty

Saturday, 28 October 2006
12:12:59 PM

nobody wants to be alone,
so how did i get, here.


\empty

Friday, 15 September 2006
22:07:29 PM

you're beautiful, it's true.


\empty

Monday, 12 September 2006
23:59:11 AM

this song is so stucked in my head and my playlist as well yet i don't quite know why either.

[ Angel & Airwaves - It Hurts ]

down on love
i'm so tired, i've had enough
i always thought that it would get better
mained and numb, i have been too wrong to feel
i've died, for this dream
i cant stop living

i wanted to be your crush
i wanted to be someone
i wanted to win your heart
framed in your memory
hung you through countless streets
the nightmare will clear up
with the news that its over

the seas so mad
anger beast rages to drown my soul
i fight to steer my trouble ship to safety

the wind, it quakes
o how it groans with deafening blows
the thief shows with envy competes for the killing

i thought i could be your crush
i thought i could be someone
i thought i could win your heart
nothing to take with me not even the memories
just the thought of what was gone
and a crushed hope in what never was

i saw you there with no dress
calling out, i reached as air
stole your shape
illusions kill, what is real, what is sane
and feeds hope to the dying

i thought i could be your crush
i thought i could be someone
i thought i could win your heart

filled you with memory
and showed you on every screen
in a story about love
caught in a rerun of regret


to many, it ain't a very fantastic song, in fact.. many thought that this song sucks.

on the contrary, it feels so alive to me.. i don't know i can literally feel tom delonge's emotions and agony pouring out.. it's just so overwhelming.

i feel like i've fell short of your expectations..
i just wanna get things back on track again..


\empty

Monday, 11 September 2006
00:50:28 AM

hellooooo peeps!
i'm back, still kicking a live in fact.
alright, so now.. exams are over and i'm having holidays and slacking around.. waiting for attachment to start.

oh yah. did i mention? i went to ubin for a couple of days, it's quite fun there. if you guys are free, you should make a trip there. heh.

ups and downs these days but i guess it's all part of life, ain't it?

i don't know.. i guess.


isa: hello there lil sis. it's been so long, hasn't it? i'm sorry for not replying tags, i'm quite a huge bummer as you know. you've been seeing me around? where? one of the tags, you mentioned about phone number yea? my cell hasn't changed (9188).. so if there's anything you can just text or ring me up, always here. how's school and how have you been? hope you've been goodd. oh yah, hit me up with your new number?

wenting: heyy bitch! yes, my blog ain't dead. here i am back again. cya at work bitch!

sammie: ;D heh. nurse chua, it's been great talking to you again all these nights. thanks for always being there for me, through out all the years. i don't know what to do without you, really.

rah: i miss you so much! ;( stupid uk bitch! you'd better come back and visit me soon. have fun with PRCs and saudis! hahah. sammie said you'll come back and teach us how to make bomb right? girl, remember i'm always a text or call away yea?

char: dear.. somehow.. i wished things never changed and that we've never drifted this far.. i don't know, i hope you're doing okayy. always here.

leste: sucker, if you still read my blog, hope you're good! and look for me, i'll pass you the L word!

love: ;) thanks for being by my side, we'll make it through all the ups and downs together alright? no more arguments.. no more. i want nothing more than you by my side, really. simplicity is beauty.


before i close, HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMMIE! ;D


\empty

Monday, 21 August 2006
16:46:28 PM

dying of exams... ;(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

getting lazier each day mann..
shoutouts for next posting alright?

-yawns-

happy six six sixthhh.


\empty

Friday, 21 July 2006
11:27:18 PM

it pains me to see the discomfort you suffered,
it pains me to see the agony in your eyes,
i wished i was the one who fell ill instead.

i know this sounds utterly childish but i wished i could shoulder your pain.. discomfort cause it hurts so bad to see you suffer..

i'm sorry i wasn't attentive enough..
i'm sorry i din't take good care of you..

get well soon, love.
i promise i'll be more attentive.. i'll take extra care of you.
medicine.. 3 times a day, light food and more water.

happy fifth month, baby.
don't be so disappointed silly, i'll take you there once you've recovered alright?

sleep sleep sleep, sleepyhead.. i miss you. ;(


\empty

Thursday, 13 July 2006
10:27:17 AM

seems my own arrogance has knocked me off my feet again
when you know i'm crawling to you as fast as i can
first teach me to walk and then i'll learn to dance for you like an
honest clumsy clown
tripping along the way

cause i'm reaching for you
but my arms aren't long enough
and i'm running to you
if i could go a little faster
and i'm crying to you
but i can't hear my own voice
and i am waiting for you
and trying not to fall asleep now

cause i'm clumsily dancing away this fear
i'm stumbling closer to you and i am
tumbling over my pride
i will be a fool for you

what are you thinking as you look down on me are you
frustrated with my inconsistency
or intrigued that i can find the will to get back up or
maybe all of this is simply amusing

cause i'm reaching for you
but my arms aren't long enough
and i'm running to you
if i could go a little faster
and i'm crying to you
but i can't hear my own voice
i am waiting for you
and trying not to fall asleep now

cause i'm clumsily dancing away this fear
i'm stumbling closer to you and i'm
tumbling over my pride
i will be a fool for you
cause i'm clumsily dancing away this fear
i'm stumbling closer to you and i'm
tumbling over my pride
i will be a fool

and i'm clumsily dancing away this fear
i'm stumbling closer to you and i'm
tumbling over my pride
i will be a fool for you


\empty

Wednesday, 12 July 2006
03:39:17 AM

if only you were here
to ease this horrible feeling.


\empty

Wednesday, 05 July 2006
11:53:56 AM

i'm sorry for pushing you but these are the things which i'll never ever compromise on.

don't ever let this happen again, i mean it.

lies and em or.. me.
nothing else.


\empty

Wednesday, 05 July 2006
00:01:25 AM

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eye
I thought with time you'd realize
It's over over
It's not the way I choose to live
And something somewhere's got to give
As sharing this relationship gets older older
You know I'd fight for you
But how I can fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you
I dont care if that's not fair

Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart
But I dont show it show it
And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know know it

Don't me make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time for show and tell

Cause you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
No room inside for me in your life
Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's no where left to fall
It's now or never


\empty

Monday, 03 July 2006
03:46:13 AM

you've drifted off to dreamland..
at times' like these, i'll end up wondering what's gonna become of us? will there really be lifetime?

i really don't know.
i don't wanna suffer from a break up again, i don't wanna lose you.
i don't want my world to crumble once more, really.

i really really love, you.

i don't wanna.. i don't want to.

am i really someone?
or am i just em?

sometimes i just wonder.. if i'll end up being em eventually.


\empty

Friday, 23 June 2006
11:50:21 AM

don't.. send my world crashing once more..
don't... you're the only reason why i believe.. the only reason why i love.. the only reason why i smile.. the only reason why i learn how to trust again..

don't...
just don't..
no... more lies.. pain.

Desperate for changing
Starving for truth
I'm closer to where I started
Chasing after you
I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you

Forgetting all I'm lacking
Completely incomplete
I'll take your invitation
You take all of me now...

I'm falling even more in love with you
Letting go of all I've held onto
I'm standing here until you make me move
I'm hanging by a moment here with you
I'm living for the only thing I know
I'm running and not quite sure where to go
And I don't know what I'm diving into
Just hanging by a moment here with you

There's nothing else to lose
There's nothing else to find
There's nothing in the world
That can change my mind
There is nothing else
There is nothing else
There is nothing else

Just hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment (here with you)
Hanging by a moment here with you


\empty

Thursday, 22 June 2006
06:12:14 AM

i should never ever help you arrange your files and all cause it makes me uncover stuff, uncover more lies.
pictures of him... titles.
conversations with her which you claimed that you don't speak to her anymore...
ironically, you were the one who initated the conversation all the time.

hah. so much for.. truth.

so tell me what else, what more lies are there.


\empty

Wednesday, 21 June 2006
00:03:27 AM

for loving me,
for always tolerating me,
for being the understanding you,
for being patient with me all the time,
for being spastic,
for laughing along with me,
for mocking me,
for cooking for me,
for the lazy naps,
for the heart to heart talks,
for the endless hugs,
for the sweet kisses,
for your spastic ways,
for your vainity,
for your 'evilness'
for the sweetest you,

and most importantly,
for being you,

baby, thank you for every single little thing you've done for me
throughout these four months.

my everything, all that i ever want.. all that i ever need,
what more can i ask for?

every little thing you do is beautiful,
and that's what you're to me, beautiful.

for my temper,
for my wrongdoings,
for my attitude,
for everything that i've done to hurt you,

baby, i'm truly sorry. i know this has been said time and time again
thanks for forgiving me, for all the patience you've shown,

baby, thank you.

i never meant to hurt you, never wanna do you wrong and will never.

i'll never break your heart, never.

i don't need anything or anyone else,
cause baby, you're my remedy for everything.

puzzle of my heart.

1127.

happy fourth month baby.
love.


\empty

Tuesday, 20 June 2006
02:39:11 AM

baby, i really love you.


\empty

Wednesday, 14 June 2006
03:00:21 AM

some thoughts are never resting.
i wish i may, i wish i might.


\empty

Wednesday, 17 May 2006
11:27:38 AM

"I'll try," she said as he walked away.
"Try not to lose you."
Two vibrant hearts could change.
Nothing tears the being more than deception,
unmasked fear.
"I'll be here waiting" tested and secure.

Nothing hurts my world,
just affects the ones around me
When sin's deep in my blood,
you'll be the one to fall.

"I wish I could be the one,
the one who won't care at all
But being the one on the stand,
I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.
When time soaked with blood turns its back,
I know it's hard to fall.
Confided in me was your heart
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."

Nothing will last in this life,
our time is spent constructing,
now you're perfecting a world... meant to sin.
Constrict your hands around me,
squeeze till I cannot breathe,
this air tastes dead inside me,
contribute to our plague.
Break all your promises,
tear down this steadfast wall,
restraints are useless here,
tasting salvation's near.

Nothing hurts my world,
just affects the ones around me
When sin's deep in my blood,
you'll be the one to fall.

"I wish I could be the one,
the one who won't care at all
But being the one on the stand,
I know the way to go, no one's guiding me.
When time soaked with blood turns its back,
I know it's hard to fall.
Confided in me was your heart
I know it's hurting you, but it's killing me."


\empty

Friday, 12 May 2006
14:00:11 PM

you got me thinkin' so damn fucking much.
so what's truth and what's not?

is these all heaps of lies?
simplicity can never be achieved, can it?

speak now, cause i wanna hear you speak..
nothing more than truth.


\empty

Wednesday, 26 April 2006
01:56:13 AM

one more kiss could be the best thing
one more lie could be the worst

i've had the rest of you
now i want the best of you
i don't care if that's not fair

cause i want it all or nothing at all.


\empty

Tuesday, 25 April 2006
11:09:22 AM

// There's so much on my mind these days but i just can't find the right words to express em all out.
Then again, maybe i'm just too lazy to find the words to.
I've been listening to lifehouse a lot these days and it's weird cause i can just relate to their songs so easily.
I guess that probably explains why i've been blogging so much of lyrics these days. //

--

i'm finding my way back to sanity, again
though i don't really know what
i am gonna do when i get there
take a breath and hold on tight
spin around one more time
and gracefully fall back in the arms of grace

i am hanging on every word you say
and even if you don't want to speak tonight
that's alright, alright with me
cause i want nothing more than to sit
outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing
is where i want to be

i am looking past the shadows
of my mind into the truth and
i'm trying to identify
the voices in my head
God, which one's you?
let me feel one more time
what it feels like to feel
and break these calluses off me

i don't want a thing from you
bet you're tired of me waiting
for the scraps to fall
off your table to the ground
i just want to be here now
--


all of the things that i want to say
just aren't coming out right
i'm tripping inwards
you got my head spinning
i don't know where to go from here

cause it's you and me and all of the people
with nothing to do
nothing to prove
and it's you and me and all of the people
and i don't know why
i can't keep my eyes off of you

there's something about you now
i can't quite figure out
everything she does is beautiful
everything she does is right

what day is it
and in what month
this clock never seemed so alive


\empty

Monday, 24 April 2006
15:55:13 PM

find me here
speak to me
i want to feel you
i need to hear you
you're the light
that's leading me
to the place where i find peace again.

you are the strength, that keeps me walking.
you are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
you are the light to my soul.
you are my purpose... you're everything.

you calm the storms, and you give me rest.
you hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
you steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
would you take me in? take me deeper now?

cause you're all i want, you're all i need
you're everything, everything
you're all i want you're all i need.
you're everything, everything
you're all i want you're all i need, you're everything, everything.

//
i wished things were much simpler.
i'm tired, break my heart no more.

i don't wanna hurt anymore.
i love you more than you'll ever know.
//


\empty

01:05:13 AM

I close my eyes when I get too sad
I think thoughts that I know are bad
I close my eyes and I count to ten
Hope its over when I open them
I wish I could count to ten
Make everything be wonderful again
I close my eyes when I go to bed
And I dream of angels that make me smile
I feel better when I hear them say everything will be wonderful some day

I go to my room and I close my eyes
I make believe that I have a new life
I don't believe you when you say
Everything will be wonderful some day


Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now
I don't want to hear you tell me everything is wonderful now

And I don't want to start over again
I just want my life to be the same
Just like it used to be
Some days I hate everything
I hate everything
Everyone and everything

Please don't tell me everything is wonderful now.

Am I the one
who can make you fly up above
Is it me who can take you higher
than you're dreaming of

Now who do you love?
Who do you love?


\empty

Monday, 17 April 2006
01:14:22 AM

i've been wanting to blog but i just can't get my arse to it. so guys, here i am. school's gonna start like later today and i'm dreading it. i really am. Besides, the forthcoming FYP (Final Year Project) which is gonna suck the hell outta me, i think things are pretty much just it. I've been happy! ;D I think i sound kinda dumb but yea, i truly am. Sheesh. I've got so much to say but i just can't seem to find the words to.

well, i guess a picture speaks a thousand words.. so here goes. ;)

SHOUT OUTS:

leste: you bloody sucker, still dare to say! are we ever gonna meet up?!

isa: endless thank yous you've heard but i still gotta say it, thanks. thanks for checking this stinky blog so regularly, constant tagging. how's everything now? i hope all's been good for you. keep me updated? there are many others around you who cares too, silly.

rah: you bloody moron, where's the stayover huh?!

cindy: idiot. now we are like talking online some times... and not texting that often. hahah, thanks man. -smacksyou- heyy, don't start eyeing on my girll okayy. PL! -shakeshead-

jiahui: woah, idiot. been a long long time since i last heard and saw you. hope you've been great! take care and see you around yea?

sammie: cockster! that cindy isn't the cindy you know! HAHAH. blur! ;X


\empty

Saturday, 11 March 2006
02:56:19 AM

It's been years since the last time I had an entry.
I'm feeling rather random right now.
I don't quite know why either.

Some shoutouts to you guys..

Isa: Thanks for tagging so often. Every little tags from you means a lot to me. I can't thank you enough for the constant encouragement, really. "Thank you" itself can't express the gratitude i've for you. Whatever happens, you know i'm always there for you. I'll be your listening ear whenever you need one. Hope you've been great.

Cindy: Show me leste's pictures when we meet up man! When's the next time that we'll drink like how we did on that day man! Thanks for tagging, meant a lot.. really. :)

Sammie: :)) the dream. i hope it spells true, somehow.

Ting: You have me too, regardless of whatever.. whenever.

Teow: Thanks girl, hope things are all smooth sailing for you. :) anything, just holla.

Rah: And i miss you too, really. idiot! ;))

Kim: Don't be disheartened, have faith.. things will definitely look up. I'm always here if you need.


\empty

Thursday, 5 January 2006
00:00:03 AM

Happy birthday.. to you :)

I bought a gift.
I hope I'll have the opportunity to pass it to you.
I hope you'll like it.

Sigh.

If i could give something intangible to you,
I would give you a lifetime of happiness.

I had the sweetest dream of you today.


\empty

Monday, 26 December 2005
05:18:12 AM

it's been a couple of hours since i'm in bed but i couldn't get to sleep. i've been having late nights lately.. endless thoughts kept running through my head. it ain't too healthy for the soul i guess, but i'm pretty helpless about it.

common tests up next week.. i've yet to start. i'm way beyond screwed.

leste: it's been great meeting up after such a long time.. with all the booze and chips. some day, we should just stay out and get ourselves dead drunk yea? :) and.. i know i've lost count of how many times i've said it before but.. thanks for always being there for me. if you need anyone.. anytime, you know i'm always here. :)

isa: thanks for always tagging and checking so consistently. i'm sorry i haven't been replying and stuff. laziness just gets me nowhere. i'm truly thankful for all the tags. -pats- i don't know what's going on but do take good care of yourself. anything, just drop me a call or message. i'll be there for you like how you've been for me. :)

i've been repeating this song for a thousand and one time..

so here it goes..

for you

[ Snow Patrol - Run ]
I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up...

Slower slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess


\empty

Wednesday, 21 December 2005
12:00:01 PM

i've been so drained and sick lately..
tests.. projects. it's enough really.
i'm getting really worn out.

20th december 2004.. 20th december 2005.

you're indifferent; it pains me.
am i just another somebody?

my bloody head's pondering again.. i'm off.


\empty

Friday, 02 December 2005
23:47:11 PM

i'm a living dead.

i can't find the right thing to say.. the right thing to do.

i just had to turn away.. looked at you secretly.. just to prevent myself from breaking down in front of you.

as you slowly disappeared outta my sight, tears kept flowing..

am i just another fool in your eyes?
i can't take this no more, i miss you..


\empty

Tuesday, November 08, 2005
00:50:24 AM

i wanted to so much to blog but i can't find the exact words to do so. i can't match it with my thoughts, so if i'm not making any sense, please forgive me.

this is gonna be an awfully long entry, once again, please bear with me.

\ current mood: unsure.

looking back at exactly one year ago, i was in wisma.. far east.. spending my time with the tribe celebrating. it was the best i ever had, really. guys, i love you. :)

i can't thank you enough for planning the surprise for me.

this year, i spent it differently. it was a rather simple one. i did nothing, really nothing. i rushed from school down to far east to get my hair trimmed. dropped by afterlife, i was greeted with the usual smiles.

Shavin, Maia, Chris - Thanks for the wishes. you guys made me felt so welcomed.. and loved. really. thanks.

after the 'hair' session with wt, i had to rush home to 'dress' up (i was in berms and tee, improper attire? :\ ). almost immediately after that, i 'flew' down to suntec. yes, literally flew. lol.

it was a simple yet heartwarming dinner with my family. :) i had a cake.. birthday song.. the last time i had one with my family was back when i was primary four. i don't know how to describe to you how i felt.. but.. it was awesome.. way beyond what i can ever asked for. really. we even took a couple of family photos. ;) i know i may seem and sound dumb to you guys but it just felt so good.. to be loved.

i've always taken em for granted.. gave em my foulest mood yet they never did give up on me. i just wanna take this opportunity to tell you guys, i truly love you all and i do cherish you all. thanks for tolerating me.. supporting me, loving me.. taking care of me.. teaching me.. for all my life, i am and will be grateful to God for blessing me with such a wonderful family.

-
samm. says:
and the fact that your friends remembered or bothered..shines through so much.

samm. says:
it never did shine through that way before
-

i don't know. since 0000 struck this morning, i received my first message from Grace. :) followed by hk, cc, nic, sammie, ducky, leen and many more. peeps, i wanna take this opportunity to thank you guys. If not for you guys, I would have felt much worse.

i can't exactly describe how i felt. it was heartwarming, really. i was really moved. before i receive the messages, i was feeling way down and out. loneliness and.. i just felt so outta place. all these were chased away by you guys. i really din't expect you guys remember.. i'm really touched. really, thanks. there's so much gratitude in me that even "thank you" doesn't seem enough to express it all. i've quoted part of my conversation with sammie, and yes, those two lines just expressed it all. sammie.. ;)

\

Shout out:

A BIG THANK YOU TO:

God, my family, sammie[hun neh ;)], dear, rah rah, hk, ducky, laine, gracie, nic, row, leen, sp, yeow hong, yun yin, shavin, chris, maia, ger [thanks for singing for me. ;) you've made my night! really.], jacq, jellyfish, jqi, cindy, sis ying, yy, sam, joycie, naseem, jolan, ben, fatin, feng, hendri, song, nike, ming en, sue en, fio, von, nana, cc, nik (if i left your name out, i'm terribly sorry.. i din't mean for it. you're remembered regardless of whatever. ;) )

& Tribe. :)

every single one of you is significant to me. thanks for brightening my day. without you guys, i wouldn't even be able to stand up tall.

TO ALL THOSE TAKING O's' & A's':

guys, best of luck for your forthcoming papers. no matter what, don't give up. do your best for this final lap and afterwhich, we shall party! i know you guys can do it. :)



-
samm. says:
all we do is mourn for our losses..
samm. says:
but i nv did realise what i had..
-
samm. says:
but at the same time.. its just...
samm. says:
u feel numbed.
-

as much as i really enjoyed myself, there's this emptiness in me.. haunting.. disturbing, i can't seem to get away from it. nothing else can curb it, only you. sigh. i don't know how to describe further, maybe it's just too painful to begin with. am i being ironical? i really don't know. maybe i'm feeling equally happy and yet messed up at the same. i don't know.. i.. just ..uoyssimi.. i really do. sigh.

i've been waiting for your message, a message that will never appear. i needed to hear you so bad, really. all i ever needed was to hear from you. i guess i was being too hopeful. i'msorry. sigh. all the best for your papers.


\empty

Sunday, October 16, 2005
02:18:13 AM

if i could ask God just one question
why aren't you here with me, tonight?


\empty

Saturday, October 15, 2005
14:13:21 PM

i wished that you could stay,
cause i can't break away.

it's still you.


\empty

Monday, September 19, 2005
01:12:42 AM

i took out all the letters and began reading them one by one.
tears filled my eyes, i couldn't help it.

i miss you.

you will always be irreplaceable.


\empty

Sunday, September 04, 2005
21:37:02 PM

i want the things i had before.
i don't wanna hear you say..
that i will understand someday
no.
i don't wanna hear you say..
we both have grown in a different way
no.

and i don't wanna start over again
i just want my life to be the same
just like it used to be

some days i hate everything
i hate everything
everyone and everything

please don't tell me everything is wonderful now...

i don't wanna hear you tell me everything is wonderful now.


\empty

Friday, August 26, 2005
21:35:12 PM

i'm so damn fucking tired, really.


\empty

Monday, August 15, 2005
22:45:41 PM

American's Next Top Model's on tv now.

it reminds me of how you would always catch every single episode without fail; you'll always get me to watch it together with you and you'll start telling me everything about it.

sigh.


\empty

Sunday, August 7, 2005
00:44:12 AM

i've just finished those damn mid-semester tests this week yet projects are coming back once again.

another dateline to meet, this friday. i haven't started on any shit, i'm doomed. arh.

enough' said about work.

i've been eating junks for a couple of weeks.. probably a month? anyone knows where i can get proper food? decent ones? any recommendation? i think i need to have a dinner kaki soon. :\ eating seems to be a chore now.

i miss those dumplings which you used to fry for me.
i miss those mushroom soup which you used to cook for me.
i miss the sandwich which you made for me.

above all, i miss you.
sigh.


\empty

Wednesday, August 3, 2005
00:17:44 AM

you're beautiful, it's true.


\empty

Saturday, July 30, 2005
01:37:12 AM

i'm sorry.. for bothering.
i'm sorry.. for i can't stop loving you.
i'm sorry.. for being a pest.. who does nothing else but aggravating your woes.
i'm sorry that i screwed myself up.
i'm sorry that i just can't get down to studying for my papers on monday.


\empty

Saturday, July 23, 2005
18:31:11 PM

i'm sorry.. i just can't help thinking of you.

if i were to wait for another half year.. one year.. two years.. just go on waiting, will i stand a chance?


\empty

Tuesday, July 19, 2005
22:51:32 PM

i'm not a perfect person
there's many things i wish i didn't do

but i continue learning
i never meant to do those things to you

i'm sorry that i hurt you
it's something i must live with everyday
and all the pain i put you through
i wish that i could take it all away
and be the one who catches all your tears
that's why i need you to hear

i've found out a reason for me
to change who i used to be
a reason to start over new
and the reason is you

baby, i'm sorry.
i miss you..
sigh.


\empty

Monday, July 18, 2005
20:32:11 PM

this is killin' me, killin' you.
both of us are trying to be strong.

when everything's meant to be broken,
i just want you to know who i am.

i'm sorry for the hurt i've put you through,
i'm sorry for all that i've caused,

baby, i'm sorry..
i just.. can't stop loving you.

i don't know how to pull through this anymore.
fuck fate.

i'm sorry.. i can't stop feeling the way i do.
i'm sorry.. i truly love you.

it hurts to know.. that i'm the one hurting you all along.

i just hope.. everything's going on well for you.

angel, will you not go?
will you not desert me?
sigh.


\empty

Sunday, July 17, 2005
02:29:13 AM

when the visions around you,
bring tears to your eyes
and all that surround you,
are secrets and lies
i'll be your strength,
i'll give you hope,
keeping your faith when it's gone
the one you should call,
was standing here all along..

and i will take
you in my arms
and hold you right where you belong
till the day my life is through
this i promise you

i've loved you forever,
in lifetimes before
and I promise you never...
will you hurt anymore
i give you my word
i give you my heart
this is a battle we've won
and with this vow,
forever has now begun...
just close your eyes
each loving day
i know this feeling won't go away
till the day my life is through
this i promise you..
over and over i fall
when i hear you call
without you in my life baby
i just wouldn't be living at all...

just close your eyes
each loving day
i know this feeling won't go away
every word i say is true
this i promise you

every word i say is true
this i promise you

i can't seem to stop those tears.

please don't hate me.
sigh.


\empty

Thursday, July 14, 2005
22:04:01 PM

i'm worn.
do you know how much i'm trying?

every single fucking week i've got at least 3 datelines to meet. this has come to a point whereby you can't even be on mc/fall ill. everything has to be handed up by hook or by crook. it means digitally, over the fucking web link. i don't know how much longer i can hold out, really.

the only place where i could seek comfort in.. sigh. i've been keeping so much in me. i don't know but i've really been trying to change.. trying to be the best i can for you. i know there's still so much more that i can improve on.. i'm still trying. i'll tolerate. i'll whack it all out on sat, the only time when i can truly vent it all out.

projects due (for now) : tomorrow, wednesday, friday, following wednesday and friday, tuesday(early aug)

mid-semester test: early august.

FUCK.


\empty

Sunday, July 10, 2005
23:00:14 PM

everything i do, i do it for you.


\empty

Saturday, July 9, 2005
10:01:47 AM

baby, i'm sorry.


\empty

Wednesday, July 6, 2005
17:08:14 PM

[ Alter Bridge - In Loving Memory ]

thanks for all you've done
i've missed you for so long
i can't believe you're gone
you still live in me
i feel you in the wind
you guide me constantly

i've never knew what it was to be alone, no
cause you were always there for me
you were always there waiting
and i'll come home and i miss your face so
smiling down on me
i close my eyes to see

and i know, you're a part of me
and it's your song that sets me free
i sing it while i feel i can't hold on
i sing tonight cause it comforts me
i carry the things that remind me of you
in loving memory of
the one that was so true
your were as kind as you could be
and even though you're gone
you still mean the world to me

i've never knew what it was to be alone, no
cause you were always there for me
you were always there waiting
but now i come home and it's not the same, no
it feels empty and alone
i can't believe you're gone

and i know, you're a part of me
and it's your song that sets me free
i sing it while i feel i can't hold on
i sing tonight cause it comforts me

i'm glad he set you free from sorrow
i'll still love you more tomorrow
and you will be here with me still

and what you did you did with feeling
and you always found the meaning
and you always will
and you always will
and you always will

and i know, you're a part of me
and it's your song that sets me free
i sing it while i feel i can't hold on
i sing tonight cause it comforts me

//

i've always feared hearing this song.
because i know once i do, the weakness in me will show.

it'll always be you.

it's been so long..
i still need you like i do.

uoyssimiybab
sigh.


\empty

Tuesday, July 5, 2005
00:59:51 AM

i don't know what he does to make you cry
but i'll be there to make you smile
i don't have a fancy car
to get to you i'd walk a thousand miles
i don't care if he buys you nice things
does his gifts come from the heart?
i don't know

but my love is all i have to give
without you i don't think i can live
i wish i could give the world to you
but love is all i have to give

when you talk does it seem like he's not
even listening to a word you say?
that's okayy baby, just tell me your problems
i'll try my best to kiss them all away
does he leave when you need him the most?
does his friends get all your time?
baby, i know i might not be half as good as him.
but just as long as i'm around, you'll never be lonely.

\endlessly to be true to you.

it really meant a lot to me. really.


\empty

Monday, July 4, 2005
01:12:21 AM

i'll never be good enough.

should you fall, i'll be right behind you to catch you.

i've got so many projects to start and datelines to meet. sheesh. it's fucked up.
my stupid body system is like not helping especially right now when i can feel it breaking down slowly.
arh.

just shut up and get down to work.

you're my only source of motivations.


\empty

Sunday, July 3, 2005
01:20:13 AM

i wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
carry you around when your arthritis is bad
all I wanna do is grow old with you

i'll get your medicine when your tummy aches
build you a fire if the furnace breaks
it could be so nice, growing old with you

i'll miss you
i'll kiss you
give you my coat when you are cold

i'll need you
i'll feed you
even let ya hold the remote control

so let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
put you to bed if you've had too much to drink
i could be the man who grows old with you
i wanna grow old with you


\empty

Friday, July 1, 2005
00:59:27 AM

i'm utterly disappointed.
i just hope that you'll learn how to take good care of yourself.


\empty

Saturday, June 25, 2005
14:25:52 PM

i don't care how the world looks at me,
i don't care what kinda lies they made up about me,
all that matters is your perception of me.


\empty

Wednesday, June 15, 2005
10:16:19 AM

there's only this much i can take,
it is only this close and i'll break.

do you hear me screaming?
do you hear me gasping for air?

all i can ever do is to watch you go.

you don't know how much i hate myself for it.
you don't know how much you mean to me.

i wished you could see,
how much you mean to me.

i'm helpless.

i just can't stop loving you.


\empty

Tuesday, June 14, 2005
23:53:32 PM

the greater the hope, the harder you fall.

and i just fell real badly.

i've lost badly this time.

201103 always.


\empty

Tuesday, June 07, 2005
22:43:21 PM

i never knew it would hurt this much.

i can't stop loving you, yet all i could ever do is to watch you go.
i wish you happiness.

i'm here to stay.


\empty

Monday, June 06, 2005
20:54:13 PM

[22 May 2005]
to pick up from where i left off, i scraped through all my modules and managed to get my ideal option and elective. i guess next semester gonna be packed like sardine, 7 modules and my timetable isn't exactly looking up. life's pretty much like a routine once again.

anyhow, i've made new resolutions for the new sem. basically, it's just stepping up on my training programme and .. be more dedicated to my work, i'm keeping my fingers crossed. :)

if i could turn back time, it would be 20 march 2003.. i'd cease breathing for that moment, just to keep the time still, the moment i called you mine.

[06 June 2005]
i'm still waiting for you.
i'm still waiting for your answers.

.uoyssimi


\empty

Thursday, May 05, 2005
02:00:32 PM

in 6 hours and 30 minutes time; release of my results.
i'm not anticipating because i know i screwed it all due to some reasons.
sigh.

anyhow, to my fellow friends from DIT 1A22 and sp, good luck and all the best. :)

i had a long walk today.. marina bay to the park to the highway to the millenia walk to citylink and then raffles city.
it got me thinking quite abit.

i wonder how much longer more can i hold out till.


\empty

Tuesday, May 03, 2005
00:11:24 AM

[ Ash - Starcrossed ]

Behold this night, still and clear
You look here just like an angel sleeping
I wish I could ease your fears
I would catch the diamond tears you're weeping
In your eyes I would hide
By your side I could defy
The forces tearing us apart
But reality, as it seems
Looking back, is that our dream
Was fated from the start

Girl we're star-crossed and can't escape
We're condemned and can only wait
At this time now it's far too late
To save us from our fate

I'll remain in your hold
Body, mind, heart and soul
As long as I breathe
Though consequence takes its toll
All is out of our control
That's how it will be
So close your eyes my young bride
Listen to me one last time
There's something I have to say
When your faith turns to despair
Always will my love be there
And never fade away

Girl we're star-crossed and can't escape
We're condemned and can only wait
At this time now it's far too late
To save us from our fate
You can't save us
You can't save us

Girl we're star-crossed and can't escape
We're condemned and can only wait
At this time now it's far too late
The poison's in our veins
It's true
You know that I'd die for you
You know that I'd die for you
You know that I'd die for you

Forever true
I'll see you through

i still can't accept my fate; our fate.
baby, i'm still waiting for you.


\empty

Monday, May 02, 2005
14:17:32 PM

there are things that i'll never forget,
there are things that i've regret.

baby, you're the one i'll never forget.

there are some things i can't comprehend, only you can.
i'm lack of you; lack of understanding.

without you as my guide, i'm lost.. forever.

you're my best, my everything.
i was nothing; i'm nothing without you.

always and forever, this i promise you.
i'll never forget.

now i'm left with nothing but regrets.


\empty

Sunday, May 01, 2005
12:11:24 PM

01 May 2005 11:18
i'll never forget.
sigh.

i'd give up forever just to hold you once again.

baby, i miss you.


\empty

Thursday, April 28, 2005
02:06:11 AM

[ The Used - Blue And Yellow ]

And it's all in how you mix the two
And it starts just where the light exists
It's a feeling that you cannot miss
And it burns a hole
Through everyone that feels it

Well your never gonna find it
If your looking for it
Won't come your way
Well you'll never find it
If your looking for it

Should've done something but I've done it enough
By the way your hands were shaking
Rather waste some time with you

And you never would have though in the end
How amazing it feels just to live again
It's a feeling that you cannot miss
It burns a hole through everyone that feels it

Should've said something but I've said it enough
By the way my words were faded
Rather waste some time with you

this song speaks; at least to me.


\empty

Tuesday, April 26, 2005
05:12:56 AM

it's my holidays, but i haven't been doing anything much lately.
it's probably just working, working and working.
like what they said, it's probably a form of getting away.
i don't wanna be idling, because i know, once i stop, i might just break down.
it's been 4 months and 6 days since you left, i've been dreaming of you every night since then.
every moment of my life is filled with you, i can never be apart.

there's so much i've to say.
i wonder if you still think of me.
i wonder if you still miss me.
i wonder if you still love me.
because i do, i still do. always.

i'm so messed up right now. i wished you could take my hand and lead me; the way i should live.
because i'm lost without you.

hidden behind those smiles; memories of you.

i hope you've been great.
i hope you're coping well with your studies.
i hope your mom won't been giving you any pressure.
i hope you're happy.
i hope..
i hope.... that someone else will love you more than i do... treat you better than i do.. pamper you so much more than i do.. please you much more than i do...
i hope.


\empty

Friday, April 08, 2005
01:15:42 AM

\Chase

true love is found;
when you see her flaws,
understand her weaknesses,
overlook her imperfections,
and you still can't live without her.


\empty

Thursday, April 07, 2005
01:16:29 AM

firstly, guys.. thanks a lot for tagging constantly.. all those endless encouraging words, i really appreciate them.

i don't know if anyone of you watches chase.
but personally, i feel that it speaks a lot.
maybe it's just me.

every single episode i've caught..
even the advertisement itself,
just triggers.. some thoughts..
inflict.. certain amount of pain.
maybe i just miss you too much...

i really don't know.

i wished i could be in the position to give all that i can, for you.
be your shelter from the storm;
be the shoulder you cry on;
be the one who breaks your fall;
be the air you breathe;
be the one you depend on;
be your listening ear;
be everything you need;

i really wish i could.

[Sarah McLachlan - Angel]
Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it okayy
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction or a beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins
Let me be empty and weightless and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

So tired of the straight line, and everywhere you turn
There's vultures and thieves at your back
The storm keeps on twisting, you keep on building the lies
That you make up for all that you lack
It don't make no difference, escaping one last time
It's easier to believe
In this sweet madness, oh this glorious sadness
That brings me to my knees

In the arms of the Angel far away from here
From this dark, cold hotel room, and the endlessness that you fear
You are pulled from the wreckage of your silent reverie
In the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

You're in the arms of the Angel; may you find some comfort here

you're an angel, my beautiful angel.
sigh. i miss you.


\empty

Tuesday, April 05, 2005
04:25:23 AM

i can't get myself sort out at all.
i thought i was over, over you.

i fooled the world, and had myself fooled as well.
it was all facade.

sigh.

of the all things we've said and done
remains the memories of days
when life was fun
but now when you're gone
i sit alone to watch the setting of the sun.

memories of you,
will never fade.

the only right thing in my life was being with you.

baby, i miss you.

i thought it was tough being with you, only to realize it was harder without you.

i wished i ain't this messed up.


\empty

Monday, March 21, 2005
00:29:21 AM

i've finally got my answers. sigh.
i'm still waiting.. waiting for your reply.
but i guess there won't be a reply anymore.
even so, i'm contented, really.
you replied my messages, made my day.. gave me answers which i've been seeking for the past few months.

if fate permits,
i would go through a thousand miles just to have you in my arms again.

if you happen to read this, i just want you to know that you mean a world to me, always.

i can't stop crying.. knowing that you and i will never be.

why fate has to play such a joke on me? on us?


\empty

Sunday, March 20, 2005
05:35:24 AM

if everything didn't have to end, it would have been our 2nd year anni today.
i wonder if you still can feel me.

baby, i miss you.
i love you.

2003, i'll never forget.

20 march, forever.


\empty

Saturday, March 19, 2005
00:42:44 AM

my favourite watch dropped on the fucking floor.
it left a fucking deep scar on the clockface.

just like how you left a deep scar in my heart.
you, irreplaceable.

i need plenty of drinks to get me hyped up.

--------------------------------------------

it's been so long, you'll never be forgotten. i love you.

boulevard of broken dreams.


\empty

Saturday, March 05, 2005
10:12:59 AM

guys guys, my entire phonebook and all my messages got deleted.
please please send me your contacts(together with your name), either by sms or msn.

*ps: those who have messaged me last night and this morning, please resend your message too.
i didn't manage to read them.

thanks and a lot! and i'm really sorry for all the inconvenience caused.


\empty

Friday, March 04, 2005
22:56:49 PM

i've got so much fucking frustration in me and i think this place is the best place for me to vent it all.

first of all, fuck you.
hear me loud and clear.
bloody bitch.

bitches. whatever.

fuck you.

rk rk rk, hold on. fucking hold it all till mid april.
that's when i'll be fucking free again.

let's take a look at the series of programmes prepared for me...

7 motherfucking projects in hand, 4 bloody presentations.

*4 shit projects by 3rd week of march.
*3 fucktard projects 4th week of march.
*presentations - yet to be fixed.
*exams - 1st week of april - 2nd week of april.

three cheers.

what the fuck are all these.

oh. and i saw a major bitch today. i swear.

**vivien, thanks for the card, i really appreciate it. :)
it made my day a hell load, especially when i'm struggling in the midst of all these fucks.

**i'm sorry dudes, i'm little cranked up.


\stressed

Thursday, February 24, 2005
01:59:51 AM

8 fucking projects in hand.

zzz.

8 fucking pieces of shit.
each divided into 2 halves.
individual + group.
that makes 16 fucking pieces of shit.

*procrastinating


\empty

Tuessday, February 08, 2005
01:51:29 AM

darren hayes - i miss you.


\empty

Thursday, February 03, 2005
20:11:51 PM

just lose it.
just break it.


\empty

Monday, January 31, 2005
22:32:12 PM

life's been pretty much the same.
projects are up to my neck once again.

i just felt the need to do this...

wee wee: girl, i haven't spoke to you for quite some time. i really hope you've been great. -pats- i know things haven't been going on smooth, give it some time. i feel you girl. i do. have faith, i know you'll be able to leap over this great obstacle. just like the other times, if you need me, give me a call, a message or msn, i'll be your ears. :) two steps behind.

cc: thanks for your dedicating that particular entry for me. i'm really touched by the words, the gesture. i can't thank you enough. :) it's been a long time since we last chat, i hope things are going on smooth. and girl, remember that whatever it is, you can always depend on me for sure. :) just a call or message away.

leste dear: i know this has been a rocky period for you and things haven't been going on fine and smooth. but dear, you're stronger than what you think you're. really. you will and you can, make it through this, believe me. if you jump, i'll break your fall. just call my name, and i'll be there. your pillar support, your listening ear.. when you feel like you can't take it anymore, take it to me. we'll share this burden together, walk through it together. you're never alone, just as long as i'm around. :) i'll always be a call or message away. :)

nana: thanks for always leaving notes on my blog. those little notes meant a lot to me. thanks for always being there girl, i'll always be there for you too. heh. it's been nice seeing you so often in sp! :P

char dear & rah rah & teow & hk & sammie & row : guys guys guys. my fellow tribe mates. ;)) i can't thank you enough for being with me through out the years. i know it's been hard on you guys, tolerating my nonsense.. my temper and my bloody fucked up attitude. i really miss you guys loads. the tribe and secondary school. friends are friends forever, indeed. :) we've brave through storms and had the time of our lives together. these memories are irreplaceable, never forgotten. i just wanna let you guys know that each and every single one of you holds a significant place in my heart, really. and whatever it is, be it good or bad, you know i'll always be there for you guys. and whatever you do, i'll be two steps behind you, supporting your decisions. :) i love guys loads. words can't express the gratitute in me. i just want you all to know that whatever happens, you can count on me for sure. always, two steps behind. AND PLEASE MEET UP SOON!

char dear : i know we haven't been as close as we used to be. schhol and everything kinda drift us quite a bit. but dear, i want you to know that i'm here for you always. together with the other tribers, our hearts will always be linked as one. i'll be everything you need.. the shoulder you can cry on, the guiding hand you need, the shelter from the storm and your punching bag too. :) you'll always be my special baby girl. you'll always have a special place in my heart, i love you dear.

rah rah: don't ever belittle yourself, saying you're useless and all that. it's nonsense. nothing of that sort. you're my friend, to me, you're special and will always be. i love you girl. :) you're special and you work wonders, believe in yourself because i believe a hell load in you. thanks for always being there.. offering me advices and smacking me to wake me up. :) i miss your smacks and i miss disturbing you. :) don't EVER forget that you're special and lovable. :)

sammie : you know girl, our lives are very much linked, ain't it? :) thinking back, it's funny how we became friends. (hahaha! thinking what i'm thinking? sec one and two days.) things haven't been smooth for the both of us, but please believe in me. hang on, give your faith a fighting chance. faith works wonders. and someday, somewhere, somehow we will see. someday, we'll understand why things have been arranged this way. -pats- i'll be the ears you need, always. have faith in everything you do, remember that you're never alone. i've got your back, you've got mine. hand in hand, we are gonna work it through, believe me. please take care of yourself too. remember, two steps behind always.

teow: i'm glad you've made a decision on whatever you've been pondering about, you've got my support girl. even though we're separated by miles, our hearts are closely bonded. :) and i just want you to know you're greatly missed by me, us.

meishan(twista) : my dearest reflections, :) it's been great knowing you even though we have yet to meet up. even though i've only known you only for a short period of time, i really treasure the friendship that we have. :) thanks friendster, yea? and girl, it's been great talking to you, really. -patsonyourshoulders- girl, don't think too much alright? whatever decision you make, you know i'll be supporting you, always. just like the usual, i'll be two steps behind you, girl. just a msn, message or a call away. :) i'm your ears, your biting machine and your reflection, girl. -winks-

elisa: heyy girl. :) i'm no big teddy, just another human being. -pats- i feel you girl. it's very much like what i've been put through last year with her. i guess you know what i'm referring to yea? sigh. i know this is gonna be hard, i, myself is struggling too. -patsonyourshoulder- don't think too much alright. all these happen for a reason and it takes time to be able to overcome it. just know that you're not alone, will always be there, right by your side. whatever decision you make, i just hope that it's something you're comfortable with. what matters you're happy.

leen, sp, fatin: guys guys guys! it's been great knowing you all, really. thanks for bearing with me for one and a half semester. :) i know i'm hard to please, i've got bad attitude, i'm cranky and etc. really, thank you for being so patient with me, teaching me, guiding me and always being there for me, tolerating my nonsense. i can't thank you guys enough. it's funny how time flies, ain't it? our chapter of our first year in singapore polytechnic is coming to an end. as i look back, it filled me with nothing but endless smiles. those fun we had, stupid actions, stupid doings and endless shopping trips will never be forgotten. (i hate you guys for always making me spend! hahah) you guys have been my listening ears, my pillar support and my alarm clock(waking me up in/for lectures), my shopping mates and etc. :) a big thank you to you guys! i really enjoyed myself whenever you guys are near. i love DIT 1B22, DIT 1A22 and you guys too. AND i'm sorry for the times when my anger and my temper goes hay-wired, when my attitude got the better of me and times when i've been unreasonable. i'm really sorry. thanks for always being so understanding. :) and guys i just want you all to know that whatever ups and downs we might encounter, we'll overcome it all hand in hand together. i'll always be there for you all to share your burden and spread your joy. :) whatever it is, whatever happens, i'll always be there.

to the many others: thanks for being part and parcel of my life. it's been my pleasure knowing you guys and i just want you all to know that i treasure every single one, every single bit of you. and i wanna take this chance to let you know that each and every single one of you is special to me, and i love you guys. i'm sorry for times where i've vented my anger or shown my attitude to you one way or another. i really am. thanks for always being there for me and tolerating my bad temper. :)

a friend will not say never, cause the welcome will not end.
a life's time is not too long to live as friends.

i close my eyes and i count to ten.
hope it's over when i open them.


\dot

Tuesday, January 18, 2005
19:21:31 PM

guys, uploaded hell load of old pictures. here are the links



\sigh

Sunday, January 16, 2005
03:33:13 AM

days have been a little down.
probably because everything i do just boils down to the same old routine.
i really wished i have something to look forward to.
well, i really don't know.
i think i've become one who can't put my thoughts to words, can't fit them together.
it's like missing pieces of puzzles here and there. that probably explains why i hardly blogged now.

guys, thanks alot for your words and constant tagging. really. it meant tons to me.

i would very much wanna pick myself up too.
i'm fine, but not quite. i guess you're pondering what nonsense am i typing?
honestly, i don't have a clue too. i'm just ranting and ranting away. ignore me. ;

i'm fine, yet emptiness swallowed me in. understand? nopey? it's okayy. :)
i haven't been doing much lately. or rather nothing.
in school, i slack a hell load. hardly pay attention, neither do i read up my work at home.
so basically, i guess i'm quite screwed. projects deadline are so near, i haven't got my butt working on it.
urm.. dead.
seems like i've been a good for nothing. honestly speaking, i think so too.
i've been doing a lot of RTP. no clue what it is? RTP-- Retail Therapy.
yea, that's right.

rk rk rk, wake up.
it's time for you to just get started on things.
it's time for you to get yourself moving.
just fucking wake up.

i guess i'm ranting for myself to hear.
just ignore this shit of mine.

maybe everyone gets bored of hearing this, but still, i miss you. 201103.


\wtf
Tuesday, January 11, 2005
00:37:32 AM

i'm missing you like how i always do.
somehow, i wished i could help it.


\sigh

Wednesday, January 5, 2005
00:01:22 AM

happy 17th birthday, baby girl. :))
hope you'll enjoy it thoroughly, promise me you'll have fun okayy?

i wished i could be there.

i held onto your hand so tightly last night, felt you breathing into my ears.
my arms were all around you, just a world of you and me.

i woke up, smiling to myself, just to realize the space beside me is empty.

sigh.

have a blessed birthday, baby.


\sigh

Thursday, December 30, 2004
22:57:22 PM

what a way to end 2004. sigh.

" The news people keep trying to decide which place has been worst hit, juggling the order in which they announce the countries according to the latest grim statistics.
Some loss is beyond comparison. "

open our hearts, reach out for them.
our fellow friends out there need our help.

where's the love.


\sigh

Saturday, December 18, 2004
12:51:02 PM

if i could ask God just one question
why aren't you here with me, tonight?

someday we'll know


\empty

Friday, December 17, 2004
00:53:33 AM

a side of me just wanna break down and cry.

i miss you.
this three words have said it all.


\empty

Monday, December 13, 2004
23:08:13 PM

it's been 3 days since i last heard you.
i don't know what i've done to deserve this.
you break away, without a word.
you left me hanging, dangling.
you left without a trace and now i'm lost, forever.

what's left behind; shattered pieces of me.

i thought we could last; i'm naive.

you're always late for hours, i've been tolerant.
you yelled at me, i kept it within me.
you mocked at me, i laughed along.
you're unhappy, i became your punching bag.

when things go wrong, i always try my best to be there.

what else have i not done to deserve this treatment?
what have i done, tell me.
please don't leave me dangling, you're killing me slowly.

you're slipping away bit by bit, out of reach.
out of sight.

while

i'm here to stay.


\sigh

Sunday, December 12, 2004
13:45:23 PM

i hope you never lose your sense of wonder
you get your fill to eat
but always keep that hunger
may you never take one single breath for granted
God forbid love ever leave you empty handed

i hope you still feel small
when you stand by the ocean
whenever one door closes, i hope one more opens
promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
i hope you dance
i hope you dance

i hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
never settle for the path of least resistance
living might mean taking chances
but they're worth taking
lovin' might be a mistake
but it's worth making
don't let some hell bent heart
leave you bitter
when you come close to selling out
reconsider
give the heavens above
more than just a passing glance

and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
i hope you dance
time is a real and constant motion always
i hope you dance
rolling us along
i hope you dance
tell me who
i hope you dance
wants to look back on their youth and wonder
where those years have gone

i hope you still feel small
when you stand by the ocean
whenever one door closes, i hope one more opens
promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance

and when you get the choice to sit it out or dance
dance
i hope you dance
i hope you dance
time is a real and constant motion always
i hope you dance
rolling us along
i hope you dance
tell me who
wants to look back on their youth and wonder
i hope you dance
where those years have gone

tell me who
i hope you dance
wants to look back on their youth and wonder
where those years have gone


baby, i hope you dance.


heyy guys, thanks alot for tagging meant alot to me.. you guys are e my pillarr support., my source of strength, thank you.

dear: are you okayy? whats wrongg? -pats- jus give me a call o rmsg okayy? you know i'll always be two steps behind

sammie: i've got your back, you've got mine. i can't thank you enough for your constant encouragement. ; ) we've done our best, and shld haf no regrets. we will, stand firm together.. and pull thru it all yea? sigh.

lash: thanks alot for always bein there. you know that, i'll always be there whenever you need me too. jus a msg or a call away.


\empty

Saturday, December 11, 2004
00:55:36 AM

santa, can you hear me?
i've been so good this year.
what i want, can't be bought with money.
what i want, can't be found underneath my christmas tree.
all i want is leading a simple life.
i'm standing right beside my christmas tree,
praying and wishing.
and that's my only christmas wish, this year.

go on, laugh at me.
go on, despise me.
go on, putting me through this mockery.
go on, manipulating me like a fool.
go on. go on.
just go on.

can i wash my hands off it, can fate take control of me?
let time show it all, will it?

circumstance does not make the man; it reveals him to himself.

the more you know, the less you need to say.

puppet.
actions are being controlled.
no room for emotions.
used, torn, thrown.
i am.


\empty

Wednesday, November 24, 2004
01:21:13 AM

grrr.

wishlist:
1. john lee hooker berms
2. dusty shirts
3. sofa velcro
4. s700
5. ennyah dv320
6. sponge shirts
7. flesh imp shirts
8. fourskin shirts
9. wrist band
10. more retarded pants
11. panasonic fx7
12. nonsense shirts

the list goes on..

boo. i'm just bored and broke. hahah. have been 'missing' for so long.. been busy with nothing else but work. ;(


\retard

Tuesday, November 9, 2004
14:01:13 PM

new pictures uploaded. click here


\sleepy

Monday, November 8, 2004
02:39:56 AM

all i want is you, this birthday.


\empty

Sunday, November 7, 2004
22:13:56 PM

sp, eileen..

thanks for making my day.
thanks for the famous amos cookies.
it's really thoughtful of you guys.
i really don't know how to pull through this day without you both.

my hopes are dashed, my world has crumbled.
that part of me is no longer mine.


\empty

Saturday, November 6, 2004
02:07:22 AM

funny how the one i need is never there for me.

sammie, char, rah, yang yu, chow, fion, esther, amanda, hk..

i don't know how to begin. things have been rotten recently.
st marg's phrased is long over, we've part and gone separate ways.
yet memories back then, are still freshly kept in my mind.

the cake, the mass orgy shirt.. all these small and lil surprises, i truly appreciate them.
and these gestures are definately the things that i hold close to my heart.

there's so much feeling in me, overwhelming.. overflowing.
i can't thank you guys enough for what you've done.

there's so much kept within me, yet i can't find the words to match my emotions.

friends come and go, some do leave some footprints, yet some just part without a word.

i don't wanna be the one who leave footprints in your lives, i don't wanna be the one playing disappearing act either.
at the end of the day, at the end of everything, i just wanna be the one who's gonna be there until the end of time.

if there's anything, you know i'll never be too far.
i love you guys.


\tribe

Friday, November 5, 2004
15:14:12 PM

and i'd give up forever to touch you
cause i know that you feel me somehow
you're the closest to heaven that i'll ever be
and i don't want to go home right now

and all i can taste is this moment
and all i can breathe is your life
cause sooner or later it's over
i just don't want to miss you tonight

and i don't want the world to see me
cause i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

and you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
or the moment of truth in your lies
when everything feels like the movies
yeah, you'd bleed just to know you're alive

and i don't want the world to see me
cause i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

and i don't want the world to see me
cause i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

and i don't want the world to see me
cause i don't think that they'd understand
when everything's made to be broken
i just want you to know who i am

i just want you to know who i am
i just want you to know who i am
i just want you to know who i am


\iris

Wednesday, November 3, 2004
19:57:33 PM

honestly, i've got this great frustration in me which i really feel like letting out.

i can't be venting it on you, so this is the best place i can do it.

the bill is increasing like hell each month and this pressure is on me, not you.
you don't even have to worry about the bill, well probably cause' it's under my name.
i pass you my line, hoping to make communication simple and faster between us. yet i don't know if it's a mistake on my part.
i do expect you to use it wisely and practise some self-control.

firstly, i'm not loaded. secondly, i hate to depend my parents.

you know, how i wished you had the least bit of understanding to practise self-control for me, for my sake.
when i look at the fucking bill, i don't know how the fuck am i gonna pay it off.
at the rate you're going, you know i'm gonna be sucked dry.
i don't even ask much of you, just the least bit of understanding to know that money don't come by easy.
at least for me that is.
do you how difficult it is for me on my part?
do you know how horrible it feels when you see things which you're fond of but you can never get it?
because i always have to spend money on the most non-essential stuff like phone bill?

the pressure on me, is enough.

i guess i really need a part time right now, to pay off that piece of shit.

if anyone knows of any vacancy, please let me know.

thanks.


\grrr

Sunday, October 31, 2004
20:59:03 PM

Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one's definition of your life; define yourself.
-- Harvey Fierstein

There is just one life for each of us: our own.
--Euripides

Never apologize for showing feeling. When you do so, you apologize for the truth.

--- got this website from jellyfish's blog and this three quotes about homosexual caught my attention.


i enjoyed myself thoroughly yesterday.
i went back to Saint's funfair yesterday..
it was rather boring and it wasn't that fantastic.
i thought the Saint's funfair that we had when i was in secondary 2 was way better.
urm.. that's about 3 years ago? ;(
i can never forget those crazy water bombs and those numerous pails of water we had wasted.
it was really fun and crazy. sigh. those were the days.

oh yah! hahah! i managed to get back at the two fatso-s of st marg's.. namely fatty kang and karen tay.

it's simply WONDERFUL!

after Saint's funfair, it's gonna be lunch-ing at coro.
heh. it was fun doing some catching up there.. oh yah. bumped into peiying too!


then we followed hk back to school cause her sister called her. (such a nice sis!)
anyway, met up with loads of people on our way back.
feeebeee, fuzzy, charmaine, nana, hazel, weewee, michelle, sue en's sis, jia qi, jia ling, nicky, kyan & gang... and the list goes on...

we hanged around for a while and left for town together with nana, row, hk, weewee, jiaqi and hazel.

to sum it all, it was a fabulous day.
hahah! i'm sure they'll understand why!
so many ridiculous things that we've done together, but it was a really really enjoyable outing!

heh. thank a lot guys!


a tribute to mrs lee, mother of st margaret's, superwoman

you're our superwoman..
you're the one whom we always let down,
and yet you never give up on us.
you were always there for st marg's through good and bad times,
you're our superwoman..

one who remains deep in our hearts, never forgotten, a superwoman.
i hope you're doing great up there.

till we meet again.


\heh

Wednesday, October 27, 2004
13:22:16 PM

one paper down!

Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a10
your best quality ispeople love to be around you
your worst quality isyoure vulnerable
this is becauseIts who you are
Quiz created with MemeGen!


Whats does your personality rate from 1-10? by morning_prayer
Your first full name
Your personality rates a8 1/2
your best quality isyou have all your teeth =D
your worst quality isaww, nothing =)
this is becauseother people influenced you
Quiz created with MemeGen!


eh.. how true is that? i guess i'll leave it to you guys. ;p


\zz

Friday, October 22, 2004
18:42:56 PM

it's 5 days to the start of exams.

and NO, i'm not prepared.

or rather, i HAVE NOT started preparing.

oh fuck. i'm so dead.

good luck to me.

all the best to those SP dudes for their forthcoming exams.

i'm so dead.


\die

Monday, October 18, 2004
19:30:13 PM

ignorant
childish
insensible
selfish
unreasonable
insensitive
self-centred
rude
spoilt-brat
impatient
pampered

you always think you're right, never wrong.

that's so you. *written in the fit of anger.


\sigh

Sunday, October 17, 2004
20:19:33 PM

it's simple things that i asked,
yet you can't do your part.


my body system has been down i guess. i puked out my dinner while walking home, that feeling has gotta suck. i'm sitting right here, feeling weary. and probably a little mixture of dead and hurt. i just felt this sharp knife penetrated through my heart. i can't find the right medicine to stop the bleed, to ease the pain.

you're the one i need right now.
you're out of reach.

i struggle as i fight to breathe.
each time i struggle, i slipped deeper into darkness.
overwhelmed with emotions, this darkness is eating me.

i can't fight those tears, it seemed beyond control.

"where are you?", i exclaimed.

every breath i take, it reinforces what you've said.

"you're a burdened, this relationship is a burden"
"you're a major distraction to my studies"

i can't take it.

----------------------

i don't ask for you to be perfect, in fact, all i ever wanted was just a simple you. a simple relationship.

to you, promises are always meant to be broken.
maybe that's just an excuse for you to do all the hurt to me.

you always think you're right, hurting me like you're never wrong.
but have you ever placed yourself in my shoes?

your words are lethal, yet you used them in such a carefree manner.
has that thought of me being your stead and not your dog ever crossed your mind?

there are so many things i wanna say, so many parts of this relationship that i wanna improve on..
why do you deny me of that chance?
why do you have to wreck this relationship?

do i not mean a thing to you?
or is this relationship something which you meddle with and dump when you're finish.

there's so much inside me,
too much to put it all down.

you told me blogging is retarded.
once, i thought so too.

but do you actually know..
that it's the place where i can write freely..
where no one will ever snap at me whenever i procrastinate/yakked.
and it's the place where it can hold my discontent/worries/unhappiness whenever you're not around.

there are so many things that i wanna tell you but each time i do, i get snapped at.

what's there to say,
when all that's left are tears
and a broken heart of mine.

i never seek perfection in you

you're out of reach, out of sight.

yet i need you.

-------------------------------------

relationship isn't something which you reaped what you sow.

fuck it.


\fucked

Friday, October 15, 2004
14:44:23 PM

it's so hard to reach you,
almost unreachable.


*new pictures uploaded


\sigh

Thursday, October 14, 2004
19:58:21 PM

today marks the end of projects.

i spoke to my classmate before our interview. i was rather amazed by his ambition. he had really different visions.. special i would say. he planned to further his studies in US and be a full-time hacker upon completing his studies. i don't know, but i just admire that thought of his. ;)

anyway,
i truly enjoyed myself today.
however, i didn't start the day too well. ;(

i started the day by rushing to the school's toilet to puke.
bleh. i swear it suck, yet on other hand, i felt so much better after that.

hahah. anyway, i'll just focus on what's so 'different' about today.

start list:

1. we(the whole class) didn't attend a single a lecture today.

2. we were all rushing for vb project.

3. we all happened to go to the same lab (without informing one another).

4. most of us couldn't finish our projects.

5. we helped one another with the codings.

6. we printed ALL our projects within ONE printer. (the printer got a lil' jammed)

7. our codings all got mixed up.

8. i forgot to bring my diskette. ;( but li song was darn nice. he ran all the way to the popular just to get it for me. thank YOU!

9. we all handed in our projects at SIX when our dateline was at FIVE.

10. we had a running marathon up to the office(ahh.. lame).

11. i mentioned earlier that we handed our projects up at six right? by the time, we finished our marathon, the office was closed. darn fuck. lol. so.. some banged on the door, some kicked the glass and the few of us kept ringing the bell.. hoping for someone to open. guess what happened next? lol! the woman got so irritated that she surrended to us. she unlocked the door and let us in. LOL!

--- end of list.

heh. no more projects!
a test tomorrow. ;(
i'll probably upload the pictures later.

my classmate asked me something lame today. i've decided to post it up for you guys. heh.

one day, there's tis black dracula, he stumbled upon a lamp. he rubbed it almost immediately and a genie appeared.

genie: "hello master, you've got 3 wishes. what do you ask for?"

dracula pondered.

dracula: "i wanna be white and i wanna be with many different girls. heh. i wanna suck alot alot of blood too!"

genie: okayy master, i'll grant them to you all to you."

in the end, what did the dracula turn into?

message me if you wanna know what's the answer. lol.


\yawns

Tuesday, October 12, 2004
22:07:31 PM

something hilarious happened today.
i was at the vending machine when i heard ...

my-not-so-straight-lecturer : "!!!"

i turned around and raised my brows.

me: "yah?"

he handed me a super crumpled ntuc bag.

me: "huh?"

he grinned.

me: "EH?"

he grinned widely.

he: "do me this great favour!"

at that point of time, i couldn't understand what he's saying so i gave him a blur look.
then i took out what's inside the plastic bag.

it states "tropical spray".
"EH?!" -- this vrooooom-ed passed my mind.

he: "you know how to use it?"
me: "HUH?! yah?!"
he: "GREAT! help me spray the room THOROUGHLY before i step in alright?!"
me: "eh.. alright."

he grinned cheekily.

he: "THANK YOU! bye!"


\?

Monday, October 11, 2004
19:17:31 PM

Every person will need to find four people in their lives. The First person is you. The Second person is the one you love most. The Third person is the one who love you most. And the Fourth is the one you spend the rest of your life with.

In life, firstly you will meet with the one you love most, and learn how love feels. Because you know how love feels, so you can find the person who loves you most. When you have experienced the feeling of loving others and being loved, you will then know what it is you need most. Then you will find the person who is most suitable for you, to be able to spend the rest of your life with.

Sadly, in real life, these three people are usually not the same person. The one you love most doesn't love you. The one, who loves you most, is never the one you love most. And the one you spend your life with, is never the one you love most or the one who loves you most. She is just the person who happens to be at the right place at the right time. Which person are you in other peoples' lives?

No person will purposely have a change of heart. At the point in time when she loves you, she really loves you. But when she doesn't love you anymore, she really doesn't love you anymore. When she loves you, she can't pretend that she doesn't. Same goes, when she loves you no more, there's no way she can pretend she loves you.

When a person doesn't love you and wants to leave you. You must ask yourself if you still love her, if you also don't love her anymore, do not keep her just to save your pride. If you still love her, you should wish her happiness, and hope that she will be with the one she loves most, not stop her from it. If you stop her from finding true happiness with the one she loves, it shows you already don't love her, And if you don't love her, what rights do you have to blame her for a change of heart?

Love is not possessive, if you like the moon, you can't just take it down and put it in your basin. But the moonlight still shines upon you. In other words, when you love a person, you can use another method of possessing the person. Let her become a permanent memory in your life. If you really love a person, you must love her for what she is. Love her for her good points, and the bad. You can't wish for her to become like what you like her to be just because you love her. If she can't change to become what you like her to be, you still love her. When you really love a person, you cannot find a reason why you love her, you only know that no matter when and where, good mood or bad mood, you will wish to have this person be with you.

Real love is when two people can go through the toughest problems without asking for promises or listing criteria. In a relationship, you have to put in effort and give in at times, and not always be on the receiving end. Being away from each other is a type of test. If the relationship isn't strong, then you can only admit defeat. Real love will never become hate.

a rip off from gurulai's blog. and he ripped off from a sg forum by devil1976

----------------
guys, thanks a lot for the tags during those times when things were rocky for me. all these lil' tags, i hold them close to my heart. and they're the lil' gestures which helped me through those times. thank you! ;)

a big thank you to:
sarmmie!
rah!
nana!
vien!
cindy!

and to the many more out there:
thank you!

oh yah! by the way, i've done most of the linking up already.


\neutral

Tuesday, October 5, 2004
20:38:13 PM

will they open their eyes
and realize we are one
on and on we stand alone
until our day comes

will they open their eyes
and realize we are one

will our day ever come?
will they ever change?

----------------------
another arguement again.
i can't take it. it's killing me.

she off-ed her phone.
she's unreachable.

i've been trying to be very tolerant.
i've tried to change and mend my ways.
why can't she be reasonable to me?
why can't she be understanding towards my feelings?
i don't ask for much,
just the slightest bit and i'll be contented.
is it such a difficult thing to do?

you were shouting at me.
despite my bull-like temper,
i kept my cool.
i even offered ways to solve things,
i made effort to speak to you as calmly as possible,
yet you had to push me; drive me off limit.
you kept insisting i was trying to be sacarstic when i was no-way near there.
i've tried to be tolerant yet you had to force me.
you had to put words in my mouth which made me flared.

now that you've pushed me to do so,
you're pissed.
once again, i'm in the wrong.
i've tried messaging you, calling you a thousand times.
to no avail.

your phone's off.

now that you've called me back,
you hurt me and disappoint me so much more.

i've never seen anyone as unreasonable as you.
i've never tolerated someone as much as i have for you.
i've never seen any girl who will ask her own stead to shut up.

you always act like you're never wrong.

in you, i find my greatest disappointment.


\weak

Friday, October 2, 2004
01:07:21 AM

fiery arguement today;
marks the beginning on the chapter of intense understanding.


\weak

Wednesday, September 29, 2004
01:17:41 AM

i let my heartbeat drop
i falter as the music stops
and you watch me as i stall
and wonder when i fall.

i don't wanna feel this small.


\weak

Sunday, September 26, 2004
23:17:14 PM

current track: leslie cheung - zhui
mood: overwhelmed with emotions.
state of mind: unstable

as i listen to this song repeatedly, it reduces me to tears.
i can't help it. the unforgettable past.

there are so many things you've promised me, time does not permits for fulfilment.
there are so many things i wanna apologize for, i'm able to do it no more.
there are so many words kept in me, i don't even have the chance to begin.

your words, your promises, your smile, your behaviour, your gestures..
they remained deep in my heart.

it's been two years.

i didn't even get the chance to see you for the last time.
my greatest regret.

i miss you.

from the day i stepped into this world, till what becomes of me today..
i never had the chance; the chance to tell you how much i love you.

you've nurtured me to be what i am today.
i can't thank you enough.

i'll do you proud.

with much gratitude,
for eternity.


\me

Saturday, September 25, 2004
11:40:58 AM

projects are currently up to my neck.
i can't breathe. ;(

somebody save me. sigh.

to my baby taking the forthcoming exams, group of pals taking promos and A's'; my fellow poly mates; my friends taking N's' and O's', my buddies in Uni :

i feel you.
we are all in it together.

as we struggle to breathe.. to believe, don't give up.
even though we may not see the end it, push on.
no matter how tough it is, persevere.

we need to win this battle.
to win the game, we've gotta stay in game.
we will all strive hard together alright?

at any point of the time when you feel that your world has crumbled, nobody's listening and nobody feels you,

i do.

remember to take good care of yourselves, mug hard and don't stress yourselves too much.
i believe we will all excel.

we can, we will.
just believe.


\overloaded

Thursday, September 23, 2004
23:23:24 PM

presentation's finally over.

i'm beat.

presentation photos' up.


\zzz

Monday, September 20, 2004
20:29:11 PM

kaede marks down today.

i had a role play with her today. heh.
romeo and juliet? probably.
and no, there wasn't any ladder for me to reach her.
i can't throw stones and signal her too.
- i'll probably alert her mom who welcomes me with her flying slippers.

21st centuries' romeo uses cellphone (aka delivery man too.)

she had this suddenly craving for snacks so just like the previous time, i bought chocolates, sweets and chips and left them at her place.
followed by the usual routine.. i stood below her block and looked up at her while talking to her on my cell.

-nods- that's how i spent my anni today. ;x

to you:
it's been exactly one and half years since i called you mine.
thank you for all the times you've been so patient towards me. ;)
baby, i'm glad to have you in my life.
i love you.


\kaede

Thursday, September 17, 2004
11:59:21 PM

there's a danger in loving somebody too much
and it's sad when you know it's your heart you can't trust.


\numb

Wednesday, September 15, 2004
19:26:35 PM

sometimes i just don't fit in
i see the open doorways
but no one wants to let me in
grandma made me understand material things don't make the man
try to find that inner wealth and learn to love yourself

lately it's so hard to find peace of mind
i just got to get away from the haters and the instigators
the mis-conceivers and the non-believers

i'm really not your average thug
not your average gangster

i won't be defined by the size of my knot but the state of my mind
no rolex on my wrist or platinum on my chest
'cause i don't need that shit to impress
but y'all don't get it twisted,
i got love for ghetto tho i'm not your average thug

Feel me. Lord i been around the world sangin' near and far people runnin' game all over,
judgin' me before we meet when they see me on the street and they don't know a damn thing about me
it's a world of jealousy deceit and envy
seems like everybody tryin' to take something away from me

i just need to get away.
there's back-stabbers and money-grabbers, users and abusers and they all wear smilin' faces

sometimes i feel like i'm gonna snap, and go off up in this piece on somebody, i ain't tryin' to say no names,
but i ain't tryin' to play no games, holla if you feel me people
lift me up in a lonely world that's so unkind

shorties i just need that ghetto love,
don't misjudge me,
everybody needs some ghetto love,
see i'm not your average thug


\tired

Monday, September 13, 2004

i just dialled 995; my granddad had giddy spells.
i wanted to follow, but my mom insisted me to stay home.

i don't why, but i'm fucking worried.
probably cause he's been ill for quite some time.

arh.

i really hope he's fine.

i caught a glimpse of my grandmom when she saw the paramedics; she had tears in her eyes.
i could tell that she was overwhelmed with fear and anxiety. sigh.

i guess i'll never understand the love my granddad and my grandmom shared.

they've gone through so much together..
world war II, starvations, struggling to live.. etc.

indeed true love withstands all obstacles.

i admire
their will
their undying love
their sheer determination

without our forefathers, we wouldn't be what we are.

pardon me,
but i just have to release this anger trapped in me.

fuck those motherfuckers doctors.
my granddad went to so many clinics and even some government hospitals.
yet it was to no avail.

"he's fine. i'll prescribe some medicine for him. take them regularly and he will be fine."
these voices were replayed time after time.

regular intake of medication; more-than-sufficient rest; maintaining a healthy diet; regular walks after dinners
he done them all.

why isn't he back to his original health?

damn those doctors.

nothing but morons.
nothing but blood-suckers.

did nothing but worsen my granddad's health.

screw them.

\rk scribbled at 18:14:11 PM



my mom called! my granddad's feeling better after a jab!
he's now napping in the ward. thank you Lord.

i ran to grandmom with the phone; i just had to pass her the phone.

"Is he alright?!"
i heard her.

everything ended off with a smile on grandmom's face.

it was a simple sight; it warms my heart.

Lord, thank you for putting your healing hands and sending your gurdian angel to watch over him.


\rk scribbled at 19:22:54 PM

Tuesday, September 7, 2004
14:07:41 PM

the most important thing in communication is to hear what isn't being said.
-- just how often are we able to do it?


\rk

Saturday, September 5, 2004
01:32:31 AM

i need an overdose.
an overdosage of rest.
an overdosage of you.


\weary

Friday, September 3, 2004
23:46:35 PM

yesterday, i stayed up..
i heard some woman's screaming.
it was loud.
it was attention-grabbing.
it stopped.
followed by a loud thump.

i heard cries.
women's cries.
crying yet screaming.
petrified yet wrecking.

only to realize,
a life just ended.

few women ran down.
totally hysterical.

the fragments of roof.
the dead flowers.
the impact was great.

it was a painful fall.
it was a painful death.
it was a painful sight.

i feel him.

all this lingers in me.
got me reflecting.
got me thinking.

i hope he's in peace.
i hope his family's recovering.

life's fragile.
so is human.


\sigh

Thursday, September 2, 2004
18:56:55 PM

one paper's down.

yesh,
three more to go.
no,
i haven't started studying.

stressed.
- i so fucking am.

4 projects in hand.
- they're supposedly group work.. but i beg to differ.

somebody save me. ;(


\doomed